Sunday, May 26, 2013

Paradoxical Commandment #6


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Steve Jobs is one of the world’s best known innovators.  His work ethic, imaginative drive, and creative impetus pushed Apple Computers from a marginalized, niche oriented computer company into one of the world’s most well known brands in just a decade’s time.  He initiated the steps that lead to the overhaul the music industry, the way we view telecommunication devices, and how we compute.  Only, all of this happened after he was essentially fired from Apple in 1985, nine years after founding the company.  Thus, paradoxical commandment number six:

The biggest men and women with the biggest ideas can be shot down by the smallest men and women with the smallest minds. Think big anyway.

Thinking big extends beyond creating the thought and holding on to it.  Thinking big takes action.  The first steps towards enacting any idea can feel terrifying, filling our minds with worries of failure and loss.  Take the first steps anyway.  Most of us have an easy time imagining failure; we have a harder time wrapping our minds around the enormity of success.  Focus on the possibility of success.  Take the first steps knowing success lies at the end of the journey.

It isn't comfortable in there is it?  Come on out!
I push this idea with my private students.  Too often, their young psyches choose safety over the possibility of performing musically.  They hide in their box, worried they might mess up.  I encourage them to accept any and all errors; by knowing errors occur, we prepare ourselves for stepping past them.  As my college bassoon professor, Jeff Robinson, used to tell us - you haven’t made a reed until you have made 1000.  Knowing what doesn’t work holds as much importance as knowing what does.

I also hold my students to a rule about musicality - if you feel like you are doing enough, you aren’t; if you feel like you are doing too much, you are doing enough.  I think this rule fits well with paradoxical commandment number six.  Go big, or go home.  No pain, no gain.  No risk, no reward.

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One of these products has probably affected your
life in one way or another.  Thank Steve Jobs.
In 1996, Apple Computer purchased NeXT, a company founded by Steve Jobs after  he left Apple.  Steve had come home.  One year later he held the position of CEO.  Then came the iMac, the iBook, the PowerBook, the iPod, the iPhone, and the iPad.  Jobs has said getting fired was the best thing to ever happen to him.  Without it, he would never have reinvented our lives.

When we fail to act on our big thinking, we only guarantee one thing - failure.  Get that beautiful idea out of your head and put it on paper.  Put it into action.  Lead it to fruition.  If some small minded person shoots it down, so what, keep thinking big.  We believe in you.  Now you should, too.

- I first encountered an adapted version of the “Paradoxical Commandments,” titled “The Final Analysis,” while listening to a Wayne Dyer audio CD in my early twenties.  The meaning and message struck me as true, helping guide my thoughts and actions as I developed from a big kid into a real adult.  Later, I discovered the poem was not actually written by Mother Theresa at all, but adapted, framed, and hung on the wall in her Calcutta orphanage.  She cared about its message enough to use it to empower the weak and marginalized children to whom she gave her life.

The Paradoxical Commandments are reprinted with permission.  © Copyright Kent M. Keith 1968, renewed 2001


Sunday, May 19, 2013

Paradoxical Commandement #5


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Telling a little while lie can be so easy.  Most have little significant impact on our lives and remain inconsequential to our experiences.  They slip from between our lips quickly, flitting into the world with unmentionable effect.  At least, we tell ourselves they do.  But, as many of us have discovered, white lies grow, effecting our lives the same way proverbial butterfly wings can cause a hurricane.  Paradoxical commandment number five hits close to home for me:

Honesty and frankness make you vulnerable.  Be honest and frank anyway.

Surely you see how I relate to this commandment.  My blog title - Being Frank - is more than just a clever use of my name.  Rather, it reminds me of the important message contained in commandment five.  I began blogging for two reasons - to hone my writing skills (which are better) and to throw my musings out into the world.  I learned quickly how vulnerable any of us can feel when offering an opinion to others.  They day I received my first negative comments opened my eyes in a huge way (on this post).  I kept at it, although with a more fervent awareness of my new vulnerability.

http://theoddcoupleblog.com/wp-content/uploads//little-white-lies-post.jpgWe tell untruths to protect ourselves or others.  As children, we learn to avoid consequence; lying helps accomplish this.  Our lies have the potential to explode in our face.  They also grow.  The first lie might be small, but by taking that first step, each successive lie has permission to expand, growing beyond our ability to manage them.

Our actions can also reflect dishonest intentions.  Small infractions might seem minor, but can lead us down a dangerous path.  My girlfriend during senior year in high school had trouble with calculus.  Tutoring didn’t help, so I “helped” during tests.  I finished quickly and held onto my paper, waiting for the inevitable shoulder tap.  She wrote the questions she didn’t understand on a scrap of paper and slid it under my desk.  I filled in the answers and slipped it back to her.  I hated it, but did it anyway.  My calculus teacher must have wondered why I always looked mad when I turned in my tests.  

Getting caught would probably have meant a zero on our tests and maybe a trip to the Assistant Principal.  I knew this.  It didn’t stop me from elevating my dishonesty, though.  Towards the end of the year, a few days before finals, I stopped by the calculus classroom for something after school.  I noticed a stack of finals on the teacher’s desk, and since no one else was in the room, I took one and gave it to my girlfriend.  

I never looked at it.  That helped me feel better.  A little.  

Few people know that story, as I have kept it close to the vest for fifteen years, but according to commandment five, I should have no problem admitting my failures.  Or, at the very least, I should find the strength to admit to them.  

Commandment five encourages a daily vigilance towards honesty and frankness.  Admitting to past errors helps us heal old wound, but living an honest life prevents new ones.  Both are important as we move forwards through life.

Dr. Keith wrote this commandment as a directive to young leaders.  While you may not think you play the role of leader in your life, you do.  Somewhere, whether in your career, your family, your community, someone looks up to you.  Living an honest and frank life builds your credibility.  Open yourself up.  Let others in.  Live the example you want to set.

- I first encountered an adapted version of the “Paradoxical Commandments,” titled “The Final Analysis,” while listening to a Wayne Dyer audio CD in my early twenties.  The meaning and message struck me as true, helping guide my thoughts and actions as I developed from a big kid into a real adult.  Later, I discovered the poem was not actually written by Mother Theresa at all, but adapted, framed, and hung on the wall in her Calcutta orphanage.  She cared about its message enough to use it to empower the weak and marginalized children to whom she gave her life.

The Paradoxical Commandments are reprinted with permission.  © Copyright Kent M. Keith 1968, renewed 2001

Sunday, May 5, 2013

Paradoxical Commandment #4


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What’s in it for me?  I have asked that question before; I imagine many of us have.  We often look for the personal benefit in our lives, maneuvering ourselves into positions of gain.  After all, we are capitalists.  Our society functions on risk vs. reward, on pain and gain, on me-first principals.  

Are these principals our best option?  Paradoxical commandment number four suggests a better one:

The good you do today will be forgotten tomorrow.  Do good anyway.

Living in a society where investment pays off in future dividends, the concept of doing good for good’s sake might seem alien.  Often, even when we don’t ask the question externally, silently, “what’s in it for me” haunts the back of our minds.  Should I help out because people will see me helping?  Should I do this because someone will owe me a favor?  Should I do this to add it to my resume?

Why not do good for goodness sake?

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Unfortunately, the modern battle between atheist and theists have hijacked this particular discussion.  Somehow, the two sides believe they have immanent domain over goodness (this does not include all atheists or theists).  The atheist argues that goodness is enough - God becomes unnecessary.  The theist argues that doing good enacts the love of Jesus Christ in the world.

Personally, I don’t believe doing good belongs to either camp exclusively.  Where you stand dictates your feelings.  The commandment negates the reason for even having an argument in the first place.  Do good.  That is enough.  

We should do good absent a reason.  Our actions should seek to create good simply for it to exist.  C.S. Lewis sums up our fourth commandment perfectly:

Integrity is doing the right thing, even when no one is watching.

I think the commandment speaks to the longevity of the effects as well.  Even as the results of your good act vanish, the goodness itself does not.  As another famous man suggests, leave tomorrow for tomorrow.  Do good now.  Don't worry about anything else.

- I first encountered an adapted version of the “Paradoxical Commandments,” titled “The Final Analysis,” while listening to a Wayne Dyer audio CD in my early twenties.  The meaning and message struck me as true, helping guide my thoughts and actions as I developed from a big kid into a real adult.  Later, I discovered the poem was not actually written by Mother Theresa at all, but adapted, framed, and hung on the wall in her Calcutta orphanage.  She cared about its message enough to use it to empower the weak and marginalized children to whom she gave her life.

The Paradoxical Commandments are reprinted with permission.  © Copyright Kent M. Keith 1968, renewed 2001