Paradoxical Commandment #10

The summary message contained in the Dr. Kent M. Keith’s Paradoxical Commandments resonates with an appropriate measure of cynical optimism.  In some ways, it seems as if he implores us to do our best while expecting the worst.  After only a surface reading, I would agree, but when taken as a whole, the commandments reveal a deeper truth rooted solely in optimism.  Paradoxical Commandment number ten continues in the same vein:

Give the world the best you have and you’ll get kicked in the teeth. Give the world the best you have anyway.

Dr. Keith’s commandments seek to weaken pessimistic arguments against them by including the very arguments in the commandments.  This best of/worst of pairing creates the paradoxical nature the commandments embody.  Dr. Keith acknowledges humanity’s own tendency towards the negative, the trend we feel to pull others down, and he tells us not to worry about it.  Our own nature combats this very same paradox on a daily basis.

Imagine the commandments without the negatives:

1. Love
2. Do good
3. Succeed
4. Do good
5. Be Honest and Frank
6. Think big
7. Fight for the underdogs
8. Build
9. Help People
10. Give the world your best

Without the negatives, the commandments ignore our own nature, losing much of their power to connect with us.  We know these are actions we should take, but our weak egos immediately throw up defensive fortifications based on previous experience:

1. People are illogical, unreasonable, and self-centered
2. People will accuse you of selfish ulterior motives
3. You will win false friends and true enemies
4. Good is forgotten quickly
5. You will be vulnerable
6. Small men and women with small minds will shoot you down
7. People only follow top dogs
8. What you build will be destroyed
9. People may attack you
10. You will get kicked in the teeth.

These are our ego’s defenses.  By splashing them on the page paired with our desired attributes, we eviscerate the ego’s defense.  We know these are all possibilities, but we don’t care.  We give the world our best anyway.

As your daily life unfolds in front of you, ignore the negative possibilities swirling around your every action.  Focus instead on the power of your good, on the vast love you hold for your fellow man, and on the possibility of success in your life. 

You are strong and you are powerful.  No matter what the world throws at you, be and do your best.  Do it anyway.

- I first encountered an adapted version of the “Paradoxical Commandments,” titled “The Final Analysis,” while listening to a Wayne Dyer audio CD in my early twenties.  The meaning and message struck me as true, helping guide my thoughts and actions as I developed from a big kid into a real adult.  Later, I discovered the poem was not actually written by Mother Theresa at all, but adapted, framed, and hung on the wall in her Calcutta orphanage.  She cared about its message enough to use it to empower the weak and marginalized children to whom she gave her life.

The Paradoxical Commandments are reprinted with permission.  © Copyright Kent M. Keith 1968, renewed 2001

Paradoxical Commandment #6

Steve Jobs is one of the world’s best known innovators.  His work ethic, imaginative drive, and creative impetus pushed Apple Computers from a marginalized, niche oriented computer company into one of the world’s most well known brands in just a decade’s time.  He initiated the steps that lead to the overhaul the music industry, the way we view telecommunication devices, and how we compute.  Only, all of this happened after he was essentially fired from Apple in 1985, nine years after founding the company.  Thus, paradoxical commandment number six:

The biggest men and women with the biggest ideas can be shot down by the smallest men and women with the smallest minds. Think big anyway.

Thinking big extends beyond creating the thought and holding on to it.  Thinking big takes action.  The first steps towards enacting any idea can feel terrifying, filling our minds with worries of failure and loss.  Take the first steps anyway.  Most of us have an easy time imagining failure; we have a harder time wrapping our minds around the enormity of success.  Focus on the possibility of success.  Take the first steps knowing success lies at the end of the journey.

It isn't comfortable in there is it?  Come on out!

I push this idea with my private students.  Too often, their young psyches choose safety over the possibility of performing musically.  They hide in their box, worried they might mess up.  I encourage them to accept any and all errors; by knowing errors occur, we prepare ourselves for stepping past them.  As my college bassoon professor, Jeff Robinson, used to tell us - you haven’t made a reed until you have made 1000.  Knowing what doesn’t work holds as much importance as knowing what does.

I also hold my students to a rule about musicality - if you feel like you are doing enough, you aren’t; if you feel like you are doing too much, you are doing enough.  I think this rule fits well with paradoxical commandment number six.  Go big, or go home.  No pain, no gain.  No risk, no reward.

One of these products has probably affected your
life in one way or another.  Thank Steve Jobs.

In 1996, Apple Computer purchased NeXT, a company founded by Steve Jobs after  he left Apple.  Steve had come home.  One year later he held the position of CEO.  Then came the iMac, the iBook, the PowerBook, the iPod, the iPhone, and the iPad.  Jobs has said getting fired was the best thing to ever happen to him.  Without it, he would never have reinvented our lives.

When we fail to act on our big thinking, we only guarantee one thing - failure.  Get that beautiful idea out of your head and put it on paper.  Put it into action.  Lead it to fruition.  If some small minded person shoots it down, so what, keep thinking big.  We believe in you.  Now you should, too.

- I first encountered an adapted version of the “Paradoxical Commandments,” titled “The Final Analysis,” while listening to a Wayne Dyer audio CD in my early twenties.  The meaning and message struck me as true, helping guide my thoughts and actions as I developed from a big kid into a real adult.  Later, I discovered the poem was not actually written by Mother Theresa at all, but adapted, framed, and hung on the wall in her Calcutta orphanage.  She cared about its message enough to use it to empower the weak and marginalized children to whom she gave her life.

The Paradoxical Commandments are reprinted with permission.  © Copyright Kent M. Keith 1968, renewed 2001

Paradoxical Commandment #1

Words have always had power over me.  Crafted correctly, hammered together in creative ways, they illuminate this experience we call life.  Written or spoken, powerful words have always moved the human race.  Over the next weeks, I will explore a collection of words that have guided me for the past decade.

Dr. Kent M. Keith penned “The Paradoxical Commandments” in 1968 as part of a pamphlet titled The Silent Revolution: Dynamic Leadership in the Student Council.  Dr. Keith, at the time a 19 year old sophomore at Harvard, sought to empower the rebellious youth of the ‘60s by offering an alternative to violence by creating change within the system.  He echoes the sentiment found in the paraphrased words often attributed to Mohandas Gandhi - “Be the change you want to see in the world.”

This week, I dwell on the first commandment, quite possibly the most frustrating of the ten for me.

People are illogical, unreasonable, and self-centered. Love them anyway.

Right away, the difficulty stands out.  I encountered this problem more as a public school teacher than I have at any other point in my life.  Each student arrives carrying their own baggage, every parent their own perceptions, and every colleague their own agenda.  Schools lie at the epicenter of our culture, sending wave after wave of students into the world, reflections of the people they encountered in their youth.  Those waves have the power to destroy.  They also have the power build.

Not me.  I am not that pretty.

I live in an auto-centric city; we drive everywhere.  Of course I have cursed other drivers for their illogical, unreasonable, and self-centered decisions while behind the wheel.  The road offers a great education in the first commandment.  Finding the patience, the resolve, and the commitment to allow others to drive how they will, without growing angry, breeds a sense of peace in the rest of our lives.  

Does this make you mad?  Does it surprise you?

Are you surprised when the sky is blue?  You know what to expect when you step from your home and look up, so why be surprised?  The same is true for people.  Why do we allow what we already know about other people to affect us?

Ultimately, the most profound aspect of the first commandment lies within its simplicity.  We know people are illogical, unreasonable, and self-centered.  We KNOW it.  So, why do we respond with anything other than love?

Accept what you already know to be true.  People are illogical, unreasonable, and self-centered.  Why give them the power to dictate your moods, your feelings, and your actions?  Reserve the power for yourself.  Follow the first commandment and choose to love them instead.

I don’t always consider myself successful in my attempts to live by the first commandment.  Certain people press buttons more than others.  Driving always offers opportunities to practice love.  Strangers who leave shopping carts in the middle of parking lots test my strength.  But, despite every temptation towards an angry, negative response, I strive to hold tightly to the spirit of the first paradoxical commandment.  I am a person who loves first, no matter the situation.  Every day in which I practice this belief leads me closer to living a life in which it is absolutely and permanently true.

- I first encountered an adapted version of the “Paradoxical Commandments,” titled “The Final Analysis,” while listening to a Wayne Dyer audio CD in my early twenties.  The meaning and message struck me as true, helping guide my thoughts and actions as I developed from a big kid into a real adult.  Later, I discovered the poem was not actually written by Mother Theresa at all, but adapted, framed, and hung on the wall in her Calcutta orphanage.  She cared about its message enough to use it to empower the weak and marginalized children to whom she gave her life.

The Paradoxical Commandments are reprinted with permission.  © Copyright Kent M. Keith 1968, renewed 2001