The Balancing Act

Recently, tightrope daredevil Nik Wallenda bridged the void between the United States and Canada by walking over Niagra Falls on a taut wire (read about it here).  Millions of people watched the televised feat, caught up in the suspense of one man battling the dark misty night over the roaring falls.  After a thirty minute walk, Wallenda was welcomed to the Canadian side by a crowd of 100,000 cheering fans, accomplishing what no man had done in 118 years.

While Wallenda’s stunt garnered the attention of so many people, every single day each of us struggles to balance, often alone, on our own tight rope stretched over a similar void - unhappiness.  Where the Niagra stunt took thirty minutes to accomplish, our own balancing act takes our entire adult life.

For the last year, I have been adjusting to my newly chosen life as a private lesson teacher.  For the past five years, as a band director, I had certain challenges to my balance - where Wallenda had the dark blinding him, the mist condensing on his rope, and the roaring current pouring over the cliffs, I was challenged by the stress of performance expectation, the day to day business of running a high school band, parents, and the time required to feel accomplished in my efforts.  Part of the reason I stepped off the band directing tight rope was to have more control over the last - my time.  In my new life, this has truly been the hardest challenge.

Band directing, or teaching in general, has a tendency breed workaholics.  Though the work day finishes, many teachers choose to stay beyond regular hours.  As a band director, I had planning meetings, rehearsals, booster meetings, after-hours school commitments, lesson planning, etc.  My associates taught sectionals, ran jazz band and percussion rehearsals, and attended weekend competitions for various band related activites.  The list goes on.  

Stepping out of this life, only having to work the hours I chose to work, I assumed my work-life would balance itself against my personal life on its own.  What I didn’t figure is that I wouldn’t know how to not work.  I worried that if I wasn’t careful, I would succumb to the same routine I experienced as a band director.

This summer, I pledged to make sure to give myself days off.  During the school year, while the hours I worked per week were less, I was working seven days a week.  It has been weird, waking in the morning and knowing I don’t have to do do anything for my job.  Instead, I am able to fill my time with ME.

Finding time for me has settled down the currents battering my own wire.  I am learning how to be “off,” and that every waking minute doesn’t have to be filled with work.  I can still be productive - building personal relationships, working around the house, pursuing individual projects, training for a triathlon - but it doesn’t have to be work.  I also give myself permission to relax, catching up on reading or TV shows I have missed.  Having time for yourself builds the balance we all strive to achieve.

We frequently chain ourselves to our situations, crying about their permanence, but every situation is mutable.  Create the right conditions to traverse the void in your life and ease the buffeting forces threatening to knock you from your happiness.  Balance is possible.

Not to take anything away from Nik Wallenda’s accomplishment, but due to ABC’s insurance concerns, had his balance abandoned him, a safety harness would have caught his falling body before it plunged into the dangerous falls.  We do not have the same luxury.  Find your own balance before life forces you to take the plunge into the unhappiness that waits the unbalanced life.

Build the Relationship

I recently read a blog in the Harvard Business Review called The Values Proposal: Do Small Things with Great Love by Bill Taylor, a business writer and cofounder of the magazine Fast Company.  Taylor’s blog centers around an aphorism of Mother Theresa contained in the title - Do Small Things with Great Love.  Taylor’s suggestion is that business needs to take this idea as their mantra.

Much of Being Frank has been devoted to encouraging readers to find their path to happiness through both their inner thoughts and the outward manifestation of those thoughts into action.  Sharing a smile, even when it is hard, can brighten both your and others’ day (Fake it ‘til it’s Real), letting go of your past so your actions are only informed by your present (Held Hostage), and giving yourself permission to be who you are (Free from Judgement), are some of the suggestions I have made.

Her Book, The Mary Kay Way, illustrates her
business principals.

I have never thought to consider the business angle.  Sitting here now, typing this, I feel a little silly.  I have written many times about Samantha’s Mary Kay experience, about the company ideals and what they have taught me.  How silly of me that I would never consider the business culture of a multi-billion dollar, debt-free, cosmetics company when considering how a business might apply a Being Frank set of morals.

What is the key?  Well, according to Taylor, the key is having a set of Values and utilizing those values to inform your business model.  Using Mother Theresa’s aphorism,  Taylor opines that it is in the best interest of a business to act out of kindness and concern for their customers, not simply because of the bottom line.  A company that appears to only be concerned about its self interest may get your dollars now, but not your long-term business.  Unfortunately, much of corporate America seems only to be concerned with the immediate instead of the future.

Companies with a Values Proposition will have more long-term success than a company who is out for your dollar.  Having Values will generate value, something American investors like to see.  By investing in their clients, a company will help to guarantee future investments of their own.  They are creating a relationship.

Mary Kay has known this for years, long before Samantha was ever involved.  A successful Mary Kay Independent Beauty Consultant isn’t pushy, she (or he) builds relationships.  When a consultant step into someone’s living or dining room, they are there as their guest.  While a sale right then is always great, beginning a relationship with that customer is more important.  Through the consultant’s relationship with their client, they establish a long term customer, which guarantees success down the road for both the consultant and ultimately, for the Mary Kay Corporation.  I have sat through many training sessions with Samantha at both the local, regional, and national level, and every single time, the idea, if not the words, of doing small things with great love has been expressed.

Gary Vaynerchuk, of winelibrarytv.com, and vaynermedia.com, echoes the same sentiment in a talk he gave to NYU’s Stern School of Business.  

Gary V stresses the importance of building relationships with customers.  My favorite line from the video is when he complains about the flavor of Bud Light Lime, and a minute later a Bud Light rep shows up at his door.  This is the kind of business market we are headed into.  If a business isn’t building a relationship with you, then they are at risk of losing your business to another company that does.

My business runs on the same mantra, though I never really looked at it this way until reading the Taylor article and seeing the Gary V video.  In my educational endeavors, I build a three-fold relationship with every lesson I teach.  

Not me.  I am a dude.

First, I build a relationship with the student - do we click on a personal level, are we at a place where I can understand them and they me, and do we have a trust?  Before any of the information or skill I have to offer come into play, I have to ensure that this structure is in place.  The more established the student/teacher relationship becomes, the better chance I have at improving that student on their instrument.

Second, I build a relationship with the parents.  The parents of any student I teach are not concerned with the fact that I teach nearly seventy others students a week; they are only concerned with the fact that I teach theirs.  I must make sure to communicate with them based regarding expectations, student achievement, and organizational matters.  If I appear out of synch with them or their student, then our business relationship will soon come to an end.

Finally, I build a relationship with the band directors.  Without that relationship, I would never be able to step in the door of the school in the first place, or receive a recommendation to the parents that I teach their students.  When I first private taught years ago, I never considered the fact that that the students I taught were first and foremost the students of those band directors.  Operating within the band program’s parameters enables you to both educate the student, and oftentimes expand the knowledge within the program.

Damaging any one of these relationships would degrade my business.  The same can be said for my music arranging and drill writing business - if they don’t know me before I write for them, they take a risk in hiring me.  It is my responsibility to build the relationship from the ground up while we work together.  

Finally, you and I have a relationship; my hope is that it isn’t just a one night stand.  My efforts in constructing Being Frank into a blog that encourages readers to come back are grounded in building a long lasting relationship through relevant content and timely messages.

No matter your angle, business or personal, everything you do helps to build a relationship with someone.  Follow Mother Theresa’s advice - do small things with great love.  While it may appear to inconvenience you in the present, the investment in your future is completely worth it.

Teaching to The Test

One of my readers wanted to know if there was a way to offer high school students the chance to learn “real life lessons.”  This is a very excellent question, as it seems many high school students emerge from school without a clue how to operate in the adult world.  The reader was careful to phrase the question in a way that didn’t suggest public schools should be the only responsible party for educating high school aged kids in real world issues; I agree.

One of the problems I always had in public education was the trend to teach to The Test, whatever The Test was.  For academics, The Test meant standardized testing - in Texas that meant the TAKS test.  Administrations push their faculty to make sure students are at a level where they can pass The Test.  Because the focus is on passing The Test, students in general are pushed to pass, not exceed.  

The focus is on numbers, making sure certain numbers in certain demographics (sub-pops in educationese).  Each school has to make sure so many of each group passes otherwise their overall numbers are affected.  Programs would be initiated targeting particular students in those sub-pops who were thought to be on the verge of passing.  If they could be pushed over the edge, then continued funding based on ratings would be guaranteed (oops, did I say funding).

See, the reason is all about money, not children.  With No Child Left Behind, funding has now been tied to performance.  Some districts have chosen to include bonuses based on class performance on The Test - which I applaud - but which doesn’t seem to go far enough by rewarding teachers who go above and beyond in their teaching (not necessarily their time or efforts) separate from The Test.

The Obama Administration has recently issued an order allowing states to opt out of the NCLB requirements conditional upon the state providing acceptable alternate requirements and programs to raise student achievement.  This is the Obama Administration’s way of side-stepping teaching to The Test, allowing states to determine their own path to student achievement.

In music, teaching to The Test means only aiming for the UIL contest, only teaching the kids the required skills to earn a First Division at marching contest, solo and ensemble, or concert and sight reading contest.  In programs that teach to The Test in music, students emerge from the program devoid of the ability to develop a practice plan, absent of individual motivation to better themselves, or without a strong appreciation of music that carries through the rest of their lives.  

No matter the subject area, teaching to The Test shows students that aiming for average is enough.  I think this is one of the “real life” skills high school students need to develop, and school is not the only arena for this skill to develop.

I began to learn at home that working “just enough” wouldn’t get me anywhere I wanted to go in life.  My parents pushed me to do well in school, helping me when I needed it, encouraging me to find my own way when appropriate.  I was involved in team sports to learn that working with others was important; learning how to work with others was primary to success.  I was part of sports teams that did both, and looking back now, can see the results reflected the coach’s philosophy.  I learned that individual hard work develops character through activities like competitive swimming and later, music.  One of my mentors - Dana Pradervand - taught me the value of hard work by drawing my name from a hat and then drawing the chromatic scale from another.  I hadn’t done the work and couldn’t play it in front of my peers.  I contribute the next twenty years of musical pursuits to this one moment - she taught me that hard work leads to reward.

I am not suggesting anyone push their child to the breaking point.  You have to know your children and you have to know your students.  Keeping track of their stress meter is important.  In today’s environment of zealous over-scheduling, parents and teachers have a responsibility to make sure their kids are involved, becoming educated, and developing life skills, but not so much that they collapse under the pressure to perform.  Finding the point at which you operate at your premium is important - we have to help them find it.

Other “real world skills” are learned outside of the home and the classroom.  I worked two jobs in high school - Ci-Ci’s Pizza and Tom’s Ribs Barbecue.  One was a corporate enterprise who seemed to only care for the franchise values and the cash in the register.  The other was a private venture, focused on high value, good service, and customer satisfaction.  At Ci-Ci’s, I was a sixteen year old who didn’t necessarily matter.  It seemed as if doing just enough was fine - so that was all I did.  At Tom’s Ribs, I felt like we were encouraged to develop our skills, and were rewarded for doing so.  We were aware there was a standard and we were expected to exceed it.  The owners and managers understood they were dealing with teenagers, but they treated us like proto-adults, helping to guide us through adult decisions as we learned our skills.

Students also learn “real life skills” from their social interactions.  As much as we would like to protect them from dangerous situations, they are nearly inevitable.  At some point in their life, every high school student will have to deal with issues involving sex, drugs, alcohol, or violence.  Arming them with the tools to make the best decision in each situation is the best we can hope for.  These “real life skills” can’t be practiced or rehearsed, but they can be discussed.

Finally, students will make mistakes.  They will choose the wrong path occasionally;  guiding them back is our responsibility.  Showing them how to find their own way later in life helps future success.  Those who have no one to help guide them will fall through the cracks.  Showing them how to deal with their mistakes and how to avoid making them in the future is key to their adult success.

If we only do enough to get by in the lives of the young people over whom we have influence, if we only Teach to The Test, we are guaranteeing an average future for them.  Only hovering near average means failure is always near, and success seems like a dream.  We can help those who are younger than us see that success is much closer than that if we only imbue them with the skills they need now.  Teach to The Student, not just The Test.