Have you ever built a sandcastle, only to watch it disintegrate beneath the power of the ocean? Did it stop you? Probably not. The most innovative children work around the problem, digging ditches, moats, and levies to disburse the water’s power outside of the central castle area. The more elaborate the defenses, the longer the castle stands. No matter what, come morning, only the clean face of the beach remains, unblemished by even the most sophisticated architecture. If only we can capture the youthful belief in the permanence of our structures. Thus, Dr. Kent’s eighth Paradoxical Commandment:
What you spend years building may be destroyed overnight. Build anyway.
The recently completed One World Trade Center, or Freedom Tower, in New York City stands as a tribute to this commandment. Positioned on the sixteen acre World Trade Center site, the Western Hemisphere’s tallest building’s footprint stands where Six World Trade Center used to. In true American spirit, the new tower surpasses the height of the two fallen towers by more than 400 feet at a symbolic 1776 feet tall.
Our own personal efforts will always come under attack. At some point, someone will take aim. We should never let the fear of this rule our lives. Instead, we should feel encouraged to build as strong as we can. In the event Dr. Kent’s commandment comes true and our efforts are torn down, build again.
Henry Ford filed for bankruptcy twice before finally founding the Ford Motor Company. R. H. Macy failed seven different times before founding Macy’s. Harland David Sanders’ secret recipe was rejected 1,009 times before finally being accepted by a restaurant. Now, we know him as the found of Kentucky Fried Chicken.
The building process is never easy. Many times, we rebuild ourselves and our futures on top of the rubble left over from our past. Never stop. Build your success one step at a time. Craft your future as you go. Eventually, you will find your head scraping the heavens.
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I first encountered an adapted version of the “Paradoxical
Commandments,” titled “The Final Analysis,” while listening to a Wayne
Dyer audio CD in my early twenties. The meaning and message struck me
as true, helping guide my thoughts and actions as I developed from a big
kid into a real adult. Later, I discovered the poem was not actually
written by Mother Theresa at all, but adapted, framed, and hung on the
wall in her Calcutta orphanage. She cared about its message enough to
use it to empower the weak and marginalized children to whom she gave
her life.
The Paradoxical Commandments are reprinted with permission. © Copyright Kent M. Keith 1968, renewed 2001
We can not pretend to know the workings of the universe. Try as we might, our world contains so much complication and controlled disarray, if we attempt to sit down and process it all, we often feel our brains reduced to cinder. Rarely do we attempt to figure everything out when things are good. But when our life turns upside down? We always try to fight it or figure it out. Often, the best option is to roll with the punches, knowing the universe is leading you in the direction you should go.
Eight months ago, Samantha and I opened our doors to one of her former students - Elise - who needed a place to stay in between her freshman and sophomore year in college. Elise had stayed with us the summer before when her family situation became complicated, and she knew we still had a room available. Like the guests on the SS Minnow, we thought her stay would be short, but as circumstances unfolded, that was not to be the case.
We all have experienced times when the universe seems to dump on us. Movies often characterize this feeling in a scene with the main character standing in a deluge, shaking fists at the dark sky. This is how we feel. Abandoned. Betrayed. Like we are chained to the bottom of the world’s largest chamber pot, no escape in sight.
About a month into Elise’s three month stay, her fist shaking moment arrived. Her boyfriend broke up with her through a text message. She totaled her car and was dropped from her insurance. She was fired from her job. And finally, financial aid she had been counting on was rejected, leaving her unable to pay for college the next year. All within ten days. The SS Minnow had shipwrecked, leaving a wallowing castaway stranded upon our couch to surf through the various young adult dramas found on Netflix.
The way I see it, there are three ways people react to such a negative situation.
1. They will wallow in it, spreading their malaise to anyone they can. These are the Debbie Downers; their only impetus is to bring everyone to their level. Only then will their situation seem better.
2. They will analyze and attempt to understand it, hoping to wrap their brain around a problem so infinitely large, the only result is inevitable frustration.
3. They will accept the situation and allow the universe to guide them forwards.
I suppose we go through all three of these on our way out of the pit, and it took Elise around three weeks to drag herself out of the muck and into the third step. I remember the moment clearly. I was sitting in my office and she popped her head in. She had met with an Army recruiter and would be enlisting as soon as she could. I smiled, sure this was a momentary attraction that would soon be gone from her flighty 19 year old head.
Of course, the universe doesn’t just use situations like Elise’s to teach those to whom it happens. It is a teaching moment for everyone.
Over the next few months, I couldn’t help but be tickled as the universe turned me on my head. Elise didn’t just climb out of her gloom, she burst forth, a phoenix rising from the ashes. Her dedication to the idea of the Army pulled her forward. Whether or not she realized it, she let go of many ideas that had exerted powerful control over her life in a negative way. She became more independent, crafting her life towards what she wanted it to be. She worked hard, finding a job she could enjoy until she left for basic. She bought a car on her own, found insurance, and came to terms with the boy who had abandoned her. Finally, she developed a fitness and eating routine like nothing she had ever done, losing over sixty pounds in three months to make weight for the Army. She ran towards her solution instead of away from the problem.
She swears in and leaves for basic training tomorrow.
We have a couple of motivational magnets hanging on our refrigerator that reflect on situations like Elise’s. Thomas Jefferson implores that when “you reach the end of your rope, tie a knot in it and hang on.” Or, there is this one - “when life hands you lemons, make lemonade.” But I discovered a quote from Joel Osteen today that seems to fit much better - “Often, out of our greatest rejection comes our greatest direction.”
The universe rejected everything Elise thought was important, but only to direct her to a better place. A place she was meant to go. So, no matter how hard your situation might seem, there is always a way out, a way up. Let the universe guide you; it will never dump you into the crucible of life without a purpose. Be accepting of what it delivers and soldier on.
