Paradoxical Commandment #10

The summary message contained in the Dr. Kent M. Keith’s Paradoxical Commandments resonates with an appropriate measure of cynical optimism.  In some ways, it seems as if he implores us to do our best while expecting the worst.  After only a surface reading, I would agree, but when taken as a whole, the commandments reveal a deeper truth rooted solely in optimism.  Paradoxical Commandment number ten continues in the same vein:

Give the world the best you have and you’ll get kicked in the teeth. Give the world the best you have anyway.

Dr. Keith’s commandments seek to weaken pessimistic arguments against them by including the very arguments in the commandments.  This best of/worst of pairing creates the paradoxical nature the commandments embody.  Dr. Keith acknowledges humanity’s own tendency towards the negative, the trend we feel to pull others down, and he tells us not to worry about it.  Our own nature combats this very same paradox on a daily basis.

Imagine the commandments without the negatives:

1. Love
2. Do good
3. Succeed
4. Do good
5. Be Honest and Frank
6. Think big
7. Fight for the underdogs
8. Build
9. Help People
10. Give the world your best

Without the negatives, the commandments ignore our own nature, losing much of their power to connect with us.  We know these are actions we should take, but our weak egos immediately throw up defensive fortifications based on previous experience:

1. People are illogical, unreasonable, and self-centered
2. People will accuse you of selfish ulterior motives
3. You will win false friends and true enemies
4. Good is forgotten quickly
5. You will be vulnerable
6. Small men and women with small minds will shoot you down
7. People only follow top dogs
8. What you build will be destroyed
9. People may attack you
10. You will get kicked in the teeth.

These are our ego’s defenses.  By splashing them on the page paired with our desired attributes, we eviscerate the ego’s defense.  We know these are all possibilities, but we don’t care.  We give the world our best anyway.

As your daily life unfolds in front of you, ignore the negative possibilities swirling around your every action.  Focus instead on the power of your good, on the vast love you hold for your fellow man, and on the possibility of success in your life. 

You are strong and you are powerful.  No matter what the world throws at you, be and do your best.  Do it anyway.

- I first encountered an adapted version of the “Paradoxical Commandments,” titled “The Final Analysis,” while listening to a Wayne Dyer audio CD in my early twenties.  The meaning and message struck me as true, helping guide my thoughts and actions as I developed from a big kid into a real adult.  Later, I discovered the poem was not actually written by Mother Theresa at all, but adapted, framed, and hung on the wall in her Calcutta orphanage.  She cared about its message enough to use it to empower the weak and marginalized children to whom she gave her life.

The Paradoxical Commandments are reprinted with permission.  © Copyright Kent M. Keith 1968, renewed 2001

Paradoxical Commandment #9

Some of the worse arguments I have ever had took place in high school.  My girlfriend at the time struggled in calculus.  Blessed with a math brain, I offered tutorial services.  We would sit at her dining room table, pencils and practice problems at the ready, and do with battle integrals and complicated exponential functions.  The sessions always began tense, growing worse from there.  Eventually, one or both of us ended up yelling; our math related arguments always turned into personal attacks.  It wasn’t pretty.  Dr. Kent highlighted this scenario in Paradoxical Commandment #9:

People really need help but may attack you if you do help them. Help people anyway.

Our arguments had nothing to do with math.  The angry seeds for our yell-fests had already rooted deep within our own personalities before we ever sat down amongst the angsty theorems.  

Pride hides within us all.  We carry it with us where we go.  No matter our thoughts, how we feel, or what we say, pride remains a part of us.  Some manage it better than others, putting it to the side when necessary.  Others wear it like a badge or a suit of armor.  Pride puts all of us at risk for both sides of Commandment #9.

My girlfriend needed help.  Everyone involved understood, including her.  My help seemed reasonable in the beginning: I was accessible, eager to spend more time with her, and good at the subject.  No one considered how we would work in a tutorial situation.  Her pride prevented her from seeing me as more than her beau; it’s hard to take a hormonal teenage boy seriously as a teacher.  My own pride elevated my internal status above her.  I treated her with less respect as my “student” than I offered to her as my girlfriend.

It’s easy to see how friction between the two of us lead to some spectacular fireworks.  She attacked me out of anger at herself that she didn’t understand and out of frustration that I spoke down to her.  I responded, thinking “how dare she speak to her teacher that way.”

Have you heard the phrase “hurting people hurt people?”  People carry emotional baggage.  When put into a situation in which they feel vulnerable, they lash out, trying to protect themselves.  The more pain they feel, the quicker and more fiercely they strike. 

We were not the perfect couple and some poor relationship decisions on both of our parts fermented feelings of guilt, insecurity, and mistrust.  Though neither of us knew of the other’s issues at the time, our personal reflections bubbled up during our study sessions.  I couldn’t tell you which was the fuel and which was the accelerant for our angry clashes, but I know they both played a part.

Helping people, whether on a direct personal level, or through a more wide spread distribution, creates a better world.  Understanding how to approach those we help, knowing we need to set aside our own personal issues before hand, and realizing sparks may fly, sets us up to generate more success through our efforts.

- I first encountered an adapted version of the “Paradoxical Commandments,” titled “The Final Analysis,” while listening to a Wayne Dyer audio CD in my early twenties.  The meaning and message struck me as true, helping guide my thoughts and actions as I developed from a big kid into a real adult.  Later, I discovered the poem was not actually written by Mother Theresa at all, but adapted, framed, and hung on the wall in her Calcutta orphanage.  She cared about its message enough to use it to empower the weak and marginalized children to whom she gave her life.

The Paradoxical Commandments are reprinted with permission.  © Copyright Kent M. Keith 1968, renewed 2001

Paradoxical Commandment #8

Have you ever built a sandcastle, only to watch it disintegrate beneath the power of the ocean?  Did it stop you?  Probably not.  The most innovative children work around the problem, digging ditches, moats, and levies to disburse the water’s power outside of the central castle area.  The more elaborate the defenses, the longer the castle stands.  No matter what, come morning, only the clean face of the beach remains, unblemished by even the most sophisticated architecture.  If only we can capture the youthful belief in the permanence of our structures.  Thus, Dr. Kent’s eighth Paradoxical Commandment:

What you spend years building may be destroyed overnight.  Build anyway.

The recently completed One World Trade Center, or Freedom Tower, in New York City stands as a tribute to this commandment.  Positioned on the sixteen acre World Trade Center site, the Western Hemisphere’s tallest building’s footprint stands where Six World Trade Center used to.  In true American spirit, the new tower surpasses the height of the two fallen towers by more than 400 feet at a symbolic 1776 feet tall.

Our own personal efforts will always come under attack.  At some point, someone will take aim.  We should never let the fear of this rule our lives.  Instead, we should feel encouraged to build as strong as we can.  In the event Dr. Kent’s commandment comes true and our efforts are torn down, build again.

Henry Ford filed for bankruptcy twice before finally founding the Ford Motor Company.  R. H. Macy failed seven different times before founding Macy’s.  Harland David Sanders’ secret recipe was rejected 1,009 times before finally being accepted by a restaurant.  Now, we know him as the found of Kentucky Fried Chicken.

The building process is never easy.  Many times, we rebuild ourselves and our futures on top of the rubble left over from our past.  Never stop.  Build your success one step at a time.  Craft your future as you go.  Eventually, you will find your head scraping the heavens.  

- I first encountered an adapted version of the “Paradoxical Commandments,” titled “The Final Analysis,” while listening to a Wayne Dyer audio CD in my early twenties.  The meaning and message struck me as true, helping guide my thoughts and actions as I developed from a big kid into a real adult.  Later, I discovered the poem was not actually written by Mother Theresa at all, but adapted, framed, and hung on the wall in her Calcutta orphanage.  She cared about its message enough to use it to empower the weak and marginalized children to whom she gave her life.

The Paradoxical Commandments are reprinted with permission.  © Copyright Kent M. Keith 1968, renewed 2001

Paradoxical Commandment #7

Imagine this setting.  100 million years ago or so.  Dinosaurs rule the world.  Mammals have spread out around the globe, but despite the fact they have been around for 100 millions years already, their small size and relative “newness” keeps them from ruling the Earth on their own.  Who would you root for in this scenario?  Would your twitter feed fill with trends like #dinosrule or #mammalsaregoingdown?  Whose facebook page would have more likes?  100 million years ago, I would have to say the inaccurately named “terrible lizards” take the cake, leading us to Dr. Kent’s paradoxical commandment number seven:

People favor underdogs but follow only top dogs. Fight for a few underdogs anyway.

Have you ever rooted for an underdog?  Honestly, every time I root for the San Antonio Spurs, the sports media makes me feel like my team of choice is the underdog.  Every time.  No matter who they play.  Getting off my soapbox now before I hijack my own blog post.  Go Spurs Go!  Ok, now I'm done.  

Rooting for the underdog carries a thrill.  The NCAA basketball tournament holds a special energy anytime a Cinderella team makes it through the first couple of rounds.  The country seems to collectively exhale when they finally lose, though.  At some point, our culture became programed to trust completely in the hierarchy of value rankings.  Though we might root for the underdog, when the team “supposed” to win does, the tension dissipates and everything returns to normal.

If asked to place a bet on who wins a war between the globe’s preeminent political power with the world’s strongest military and a small agrarian society whose army primarily consists of conscripted militiamen, who would you bet on?  Exactly.  George Washington might take offense at your bet.  Twitter hashtags #HappyBirthdayUSA and #thanksforthehelp @France @Spain @Netherlands.

Humans have a general fear of change.  We prefer routine.  We like normal.  We crave stasis and dislike situations which challenge our world view.  When an upstart crawls towards the top, whether in sports, business, politics, or social situations, our skin crawls along with them.  Without underdogs, without change, our world fails to evolve.

Finding the right underdog to support might take difficulty, but given the right foresight, and the right level of support, an underdog can rise to change the world for the better.  Rooting for an underdog, while possibly requiring personal sacrifice, should never feel reluctant.  Reward rarely comes without risk.

Bet against me, did you?  Coming for you, I am.
Talk like Yoda, I do.

The fledgling underdog founded in 1776 would not have succeeded in throwing off the oppressive mantle of the British monarchy without support from European allies.  They saw the value in the American revolution and sought to gain assets of their own against the world’s superpower.  After all, doesn’t the world love to watch as those at the top get knocked down a couple rungs #TigerWoods.  

"Thanks for the help Chicxulub!" said the mammals.

Fan love for the dinos seems easy 100 million years ago.  Their size dominated.  Their ferocity frightened.  They ruled.  But circumstances change, giving underdogs a chance.  65 million years ago, something happened to give the small, mostly underground dwelling mammals the edge.  They rapidly filled in the ecological void left by the absent dinosaurs, leading to their current dominance the world over.

Never count an underdog out.  Follow paradoxical commandment seven and get behind them instead.  You never know what they might achieve with just a little help.

- I first encountered an adapted version of the “Paradoxical Commandments,” titled “The Final Analysis,” while listening to a Wayne Dyer audio CD in my early twenties.  The meaning and message struck me as true, helping guide my thoughts and actions as I developed from a big kid into a real adult.  Later, I discovered the poem was not actually written by Mother Theresa at all, but adapted, framed, and hung on the wall in her Calcutta orphanage.  She cared about its message enough to use it to empower the weak and marginalized children to whom she gave her life.

The Paradoxical Commandments are reprinted with permission.  © Copyright Kent M. Keith 1968, renewed 2001

Paradoxical Commandment #6

Steve Jobs is one of the world’s best known innovators.  His work ethic, imaginative drive, and creative impetus pushed Apple Computers from a marginalized, niche oriented computer company into one of the world’s most well known brands in just a decade’s time.  He initiated the steps that lead to the overhaul the music industry, the way we view telecommunication devices, and how we compute.  Only, all of this happened after he was essentially fired from Apple in 1985, nine years after founding the company.  Thus, paradoxical commandment number six:

The biggest men and women with the biggest ideas can be shot down by the smallest men and women with the smallest minds. Think big anyway.

Thinking big extends beyond creating the thought and holding on to it.  Thinking big takes action.  The first steps towards enacting any idea can feel terrifying, filling our minds with worries of failure and loss.  Take the first steps anyway.  Most of us have an easy time imagining failure; we have a harder time wrapping our minds around the enormity of success.  Focus on the possibility of success.  Take the first steps knowing success lies at the end of the journey.

It isn't comfortable in there is it?  Come on out!

I push this idea with my private students.  Too often, their young psyches choose safety over the possibility of performing musically.  They hide in their box, worried they might mess up.  I encourage them to accept any and all errors; by knowing errors occur, we prepare ourselves for stepping past them.  As my college bassoon professor, Jeff Robinson, used to tell us - you haven’t made a reed until you have made 1000.  Knowing what doesn’t work holds as much importance as knowing what does.

I also hold my students to a rule about musicality - if you feel like you are doing enough, you aren’t; if you feel like you are doing too much, you are doing enough.  I think this rule fits well with paradoxical commandment number six.  Go big, or go home.  No pain, no gain.  No risk, no reward.

One of these products has probably affected your
life in one way or another.  Thank Steve Jobs.

In 1996, Apple Computer purchased NeXT, a company founded by Steve Jobs after  he left Apple.  Steve had come home.  One year later he held the position of CEO.  Then came the iMac, the iBook, the PowerBook, the iPod, the iPhone, and the iPad.  Jobs has said getting fired was the best thing to ever happen to him.  Without it, he would never have reinvented our lives.

When we fail to act on our big thinking, we only guarantee one thing - failure.  Get that beautiful idea out of your head and put it on paper.  Put it into action.  Lead it to fruition.  If some small minded person shoots it down, so what, keep thinking big.  We believe in you.  Now you should, too.

- I first encountered an adapted version of the “Paradoxical Commandments,” titled “The Final Analysis,” while listening to a Wayne Dyer audio CD in my early twenties.  The meaning and message struck me as true, helping guide my thoughts and actions as I developed from a big kid into a real adult.  Later, I discovered the poem was not actually written by Mother Theresa at all, but adapted, framed, and hung on the wall in her Calcutta orphanage.  She cared about its message enough to use it to empower the weak and marginalized children to whom she gave her life.

The Paradoxical Commandments are reprinted with permission.  © Copyright Kent M. Keith 1968, renewed 2001

Paradoxical Commandement #5

Telling a little while lie can be so easy.  Most have little significant impact on our lives and remain inconsequential to our experiences.  They slip from between our lips quickly, flitting into the world with unmentionable effect.  At least, we tell ourselves they do.  But, as many of us have discovered, white lies grow, effecting our lives the same way proverbial butterfly wings can cause a hurricane.  Paradoxical commandment number five hits close to home for me:

Honesty and frankness make you vulnerable.  Be honest and frank anyway.

Surely you see how I relate to this commandment.  My blog title - Being Frank - is more than just a clever use of my name.  Rather, it reminds me of the important message contained in commandment five.  I began blogging for two reasons - to hone my writing skills (which are better) and to throw my musings out into the world.  I learned quickly how vulnerable any of us can feel when offering an opinion to others.  They day I received my first negative comments opened my eyes in a huge way (on this post).  I kept at it, although with a more fervent awareness of my new vulnerability.

We tell untruths to protect ourselves or others.  As children, we learn to avoid consequence; lying helps accomplish this.  Our lies have the potential to explode in our face.  They also grow.  The first lie might be small, but by taking that first step, each successive lie has permission to expand, growing beyond our ability to manage them.

Our actions can also reflect dishonest intentions.  Small infractions might seem minor, but can lead us down a dangerous path.  My girlfriend during senior year in high school had trouble with calculus.  Tutoring didn’t help, so I “helped” during tests.  I finished quickly and held onto my paper, waiting for the inevitable shoulder tap.  She wrote the questions she didn’t understand on a scrap of paper and slid it under my desk.  I filled in the answers and slipped it back to her.  I hated it, but did it anyway.  My calculus teacher must have wondered why I always looked mad when I turned in my tests.  

Getting caught would probably have meant a zero on our tests and maybe a trip to the Assistant Principal.  I knew this.  It didn’t stop me from elevating my dishonesty, though.  Towards the end of the year, a few days before finals, I stopped by the calculus classroom for something after school.  I noticed a stack of finals on the teacher’s desk, and since no one else was in the room, I took one and gave it to my girlfriend.  

I never looked at it.  That helped me feel better.  A little.  

Few people know that story, as I have kept it close to the vest for fifteen years, but according to commandment five, I should have no problem admitting my failures.  Or, at the very least, I should find the strength to admit to them.  

Commandment five encourages a daily vigilance towards honesty and frankness.  Admitting to past errors helps us heal old wound, but living an honest life prevents new ones.  Both are important as we move forwards through life.

Dr. Keith wrote this commandment as a directive to young leaders.  While you may not think you play the role of leader in your life, you do.  Somewhere, whether in your career, your family, your community, someone looks up to you.  Living an honest and frank life builds your credibility.  Open yourself up.  Let others in.  Live the example you want to set.

- I first encountered an adapted version of the “Paradoxical Commandments,” titled “The Final Analysis,” while listening to a Wayne Dyer audio CD in my early twenties.  The meaning and message struck me as true, helping guide my thoughts and actions as I developed from a big kid into a real adult.  Later, I discovered the poem was not actually written by Mother Theresa at all, but adapted, framed, and hung on the wall in her Calcutta orphanage.  She cared about its message enough to use it to empower the weak and marginalized children to whom she gave her life.

The Paradoxical Commandments are reprinted with permission.  © Copyright Kent M. Keith 1968, renewed 2001

Paradoxical Commandment #4

What’s in it for me?  I have asked that question before; I imagine many of us have.  We often look for the personal benefit in our lives, maneuvering ourselves into positions of gain.  After all, we are capitalists.  Our society functions on risk vs. reward, on pain and gain, on me-first principals.  

Are these principals our best option?  Paradoxical commandment number four suggests a better one:

The good you do today will be forgotten tomorrow.  Do good anyway.

Living in a society where investment pays off in future dividends, the concept of doing good for good’s sake might seem alien.  Often, even when we don’t ask the question externally, silently, “what’s in it for me” haunts the back of our minds.  Should I help out because people will see me helping?  Should I do this because someone will owe me a favor?  Should I do this to add it to my resume?

Why not do good for goodness sake?

Unfortunately, the modern battle between atheist and theists have hijacked this particular discussion.  Somehow, the two sides believe they have immanent domain over goodness (this does not include all atheists or theists).  The atheist argues that goodness is enough - God becomes unnecessary.  The theist argues that doing good enacts the love of Jesus Christ in the world.

Personally, I don’t believe doing good belongs to either camp exclusively.  Where you stand dictates your feelings.  The commandment negates the reason for even having an argument in the first place.  Do good.  That is enough.  

We should do good absent a reason.  Our actions should seek to create good simply for it to exist.  C.S. Lewis sums up our fourth commandment perfectly:

Integrity is doing the right thing, even when no one is watching.

I think the commandment speaks to the longevity of the effects as well.  Even as the results of your good act vanish, the goodness itself does not.  As another famous man suggests, leave tomorrow for tomorrow.  Do good now.  Don't worry about anything else.

- I first encountered an adapted version of the “Paradoxical Commandments,” titled “The Final Analysis,” while listening to a Wayne Dyer audio CD in my early twenties.  The meaning and message struck me as true, helping guide my thoughts and actions as I developed from a big kid into a real adult.  Later, I discovered the poem was not actually written by Mother Theresa at all, but adapted, framed, and hung on the wall in her Calcutta orphanage.  She cared about its message enough to use it to empower the weak and marginalized children to whom she gave her life.

The Paradoxical Commandments are reprinted with permission.  © Copyright Kent M. Keith 1968, renewed 2001